hey all. this is my personal statement for the second UC question. How can i make this better?
i also need to figure out a way to shorten this essay
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
The lights are out on the stage, signifying the transition... The only senses we can use in our endeavor to get into formation are our ears to hear the shuffling of feet and our noses to smell the musty odor of sweaty chest-fused clothes. We dare not speak, because to hear dancers speak during a performance is unprofessional and inappropriate. Once we are in position, the lights flash back on... The crowd cheers and we begin flaunting our choreography...
At least that is the way I imagined it when I was a kid. Since I saw that goal, the path to reach it has been nothing but one roadblock after another. While I was sure that I could replicate the movements of other dancers easily, when it came to actual attempts none of my movements felt or looked right. The truth was that at the time, my body was too limited to move as I wanted it to. I just was not physically prepared for any kind of performance. As a result of my physical incapability I became frustrated and gave up for a long while. I would not give up for long, however, because my entire mind has always been centered on dancing.
As I entered high school, I began to stay around more dancers, and I slowly lost my fear of dancing that I had developed from failing so many times. Fortunately my strength grew with my age, and my flexibility and endurance enhanced from participating in sports in middle and high school. Conjunctively, my dancing skills also improved and eventually my friends and I created a dancers club that met and danced together. Every day I began looking forward to discussing and showing off different dance techniques with others. However, I had no trouble dancing with my friends because they were people that I was actually comfortable with. I still had qualms with the thought of doing an actual performance.
Since that short time, I have improved vastly, and my confidence in my dancing improved when I decided to jump into the game and perform for a dance studio towards the end of junior year. There I had my most revealing dance experience. Our instructor was a tough and skilled dancer whose main rule was that as long as the music was playing, we had to keep moving in a rhythmic fashion. Incredibly, she never turned the music off once during the entire hour that was the lesson. With this kind of intense practice, I finally began to be comfortable with my dancing to the point where I did not have to force myself to dance - I just naturally moved.
Because of this revelatory dancing experience, I became more comfortable with my physique than before, and because I felt so much stronger I began to act with much more confidence. I saw an entire new world, and whenever I heard music I would automatically pay attention to its instruments, its structure, and its organization. The lessons that I learned about music have also helped me in mixing music together as a DJ. While I loved music before, I understood it to a greater extent now. It is more fun to dance to music when one understands it better, and it becomes easier to anticipate the part of the song that comes next when I freestyle. I had finally begun to realize that I could indeed be considered a dancer, and with this revelation I had a fantastic feeling of exultation. This kind of feeling was surpassed only by the knowledge that there was still much more to learn in the realm of dancing.
The only advice I have about making this shorter, is to just read through it and cut any unnecessary sentences. I could find nine that I thought would not detract from the essay, but you should choose them yourself, as I don't know how much shorter you need this to be.
...I became frustrated and gave up for a long while. I would not give up for long, however... You can see how this needs to be changed.
...and I slowly lost the fear of dancing that I had developed from failing so many times.
...and my flexibility and endurance was enhanced by participating in sports in middle and high school.
Since that time I have improved vastly, and...
...I became more comfortable with my physique than I had been, and...
Dance Personal Statement 1
Putting on my first pair of black ballet shoes at the tender age of 6 brings a smile to my face. Little did I realise at that time the joy, passion and sheer delight it has given me.
My interest in dance started at the age of 6 years old in my local ballet class. It fascinates me in the way we can move without speaking with just the emotion on ones face and the movement created to show such feeling. My passion lies in dance, as this is what I have always wanted to do. I have chosen to study dance at university as I would like to take this path to find my future career.
Ballet is my most prominent form of dance as I feel that this is my strongest dance style. It is so expressive, graceful and leaves so much inspiration. I take two one hour classes outside of school to develop my skills as a ballerina; one of which is a private lesson. In these lessons I am working towards achieving my intermediate exam on the RAD examination board, which I will be taking in summer 2009. This shows the commitment I have to attend these classes. These lessons have improved my pointe work and posture tremendously. The classes give me so much fulfilment and at the end of each class feel as though I have achieved something, improving after every class.
I also attend “****** ******* Stage School”; this gives me the opportunity to broaden my ability to dance in other styles of dance. Every week I take classes in Gymnastics, Ballet, Modern, Tap and Drama. Each class helps me to improve and challenges my ability. Modern helps me to improve my stamina, endurance and technical ability, while tap is helping me to improve my co-ordination. Whilst attending “****** ******” I have achieved my bronze medal in gymnastic dance and Grade 6 ballet. In January 2009 I am looking to accomplish my Intermediate ballet examination on the IDTA exam board. I am also working at Grade 5 standard in both Modern and tap classes. With “****** ****** Stage School” I have performed at my local theatre “The ****** Swan” in June 2007. This gave me the opportunity to perform in front of an audience in new styles of dance including line dancing and a Caribbean style. I will also be dancing here in June 2009.
At school I voluntarily help in a GCSE dance class to help my teacher. Last year my teacher was pregnant, so I taught 20 students their set solo for their dance GCSE exam. This gave me great experience and confidence as I was able to work with the students to help them with a subject I have such a passion for. This year I am going to be organising a dance class for the new year Seven’s, and then choreograph a routine for them to perform in our gym and dance show at school.
Recently at school I have become elected as Head of Year 10. In this capacity I will be constantly liaising with the form groups of Year 10 and discussing what changes they would like within the school community. Also as part of this important role I must organise events for their year group: with their help and support. I was chosen from many applicants who applied for this position due to me being a good role model, influential, organised and enthusiastic. In July this year I ran a workshop for Year 2’s in dance. I spent the day teaching over 100 children the art of Maypole dancing. I also received a very prestigious ‘Head Teachers Commendation’ certificate. This is given to only one student each year in each subject. I received this for my contribution to dance. The school I attend at present specialises in Performing Arts and Technology. I have also volunteered to assist in a Year 6 Technology Day, Year 6 Induction Evenings and Year 10 Team Building Day.
My A level choices were chosen around the subject of dance. I am studying Performing Arts, Dance and Philosophy and Ethics. I chose Performing Arts as this included dance, drama and music. I particularly enjoyed creating a performance in the style of Lloyd Newson. The way he used taboo subjects, risks and humour, allowed me to develop my understanding of dance, to create an original piece of contemporary dance. The reason I chose Philosophy and Ethics is not only because I find it interesting but also to improve my essay writing skills.
Outside of school I work part time at ******* Pharmacy, where I have been for a year now. My duties include customer care, being able to work within a team, cash handling and giving medical advice to customers.
Every week I also attend a church youth group for 11 to 18 year olds. Here I am able to get involved with the local community with projects such as ‘Lighthouse’. This is a Christian summer school for children aged 4 to 11. Here I work as a volunteer during the first week of the schools summer holidays. As this will be my last year here I will also be helping to raise money for a group of friends to go out to Kenya. To do this we will need to organise fundraising events to support their journey.
University life, I believe, will be challenging, engaging and will give me opportunities to pursue my love of dance. I do have the qualities to exceed well in the course – self-motivation, eagerness to please and enthusiasm to learn and perform. I can communicate well, am a good listener and can work independently or within a group. I would value and relish the opportunity to further my knowledge, understanding and above all the skills needed to become successful in my future career.
Article by TSR User on Thursday 15 February 2018